How has hooking up played out for you in the past? Were you happy with yourself and your actions post hook up? Has it ever lead to an actual, genuine relationship with someone? Probably not. Then why is the hook up culture becoming more and more expansive on college campuses? Is it because we are constantly surrounded by influences in the media and pop culture? Is it because we drink? Regardless of why its popularity is on the rise, we should probably be concerned given the complications it has on our lives. After a hook up, we are left wondering what the hook up meant, whether it is going anywhere, and how the other person feels. We feel lost and unsure of ourselves. Thus, given these implications, the question of the hook up culture’s rising popularity seems unanswerable. As hooking up is detrimental to our personal growth and negatively affecting our feelings of self-love and self-confidence, it seems that all hope is lost for romantic and emotional stability.
While the hook up movement has seemingly come out of nowhere, we are certainly not the culprits. If we take media and pop culture into account, the blame for its rising popularity simply cannot lie on us alone. We are surrounded by forces that lead us deeper and deeper into the hook up culture. Some of our favorite movies are centered this idea of casual sex and relationships marked by zero commitment. For example, in No Strings Attached, the two main characters, Adam and Emma, agree to participate in a no-strings-attached relationship that revolves around hooking up. The plot progresses, and the inherent implications of this type of relationship become apparent, as both Adam and Emma find it difficult to remain emotionless in their agreement. In another popular movie, Easy A, the main character, Olive, begins to receive some serious attention after her alleged promiscuity. She finds that rumors of her licentious sex life actually boost her popularity in school. She embraces them and begins to help others out by staging one night stands with them. As these are only two of many examples, the hook up culture seems to be a hot topic in Hollywood as well. Furthermore, every time we tune into the radio or check out the iTunes’ top 100 playlist, we are bound to hear lyrics that are centered around stories of physical relationships and attractions. For example, in Nicki Minaj’s new hit “Anaconda,” the lines “My anaconda don’t unless you got buns hun” and “Oh my gosh, look at her butt” are continuously repeated throughout the song. Thus, the relationships she describes are clearly not centered around emotional connection; rather, they revolve around butts. Songs similar to his constantly pound the idea of hooking up further and further into our brains. Given that we are exposed to the idea from nearly all angles, is avoiding a hook up even possible? Are we the ones to blame for boosting the hook up culture’s popularity or are there more powerful factors involved?
Furthermore, they very nature of the college social scene promotes hooking up. Whether participating in this activity or not, our social lives revolve around drinking. Whether at a tailgate for a football game or a club bonding social event, the presence of alcohol is almost a guarantee. If we want to be an active member of the student community and have an eventful social life, then there is really no way to completely avoid alcohol. As alcohol consumption lowers our inhibitions and decreases our judgement, drinking increases our tendency to engage in a hook up. Therefore, with an inability to steer clear of alcohol in college, we are essentially bound to be in the presence of hook ups. From the media world to our more intimate, social community, we are surrounded by a population that is seemingly obsessed with hooking up.
So what? Why do we care that the hook up culture is taking over? A hook up is a hook up - no big deal. Actually, it is a big deal. In fact, it is almost frightening given the detrimental effects hooking up has on the psyche. Primarily, the very initiation process of a hook up is skewed. Given the lack of attachment and emotion involved in a hook up, it is essentially based on one thing and one thing only: physical attraction. Rather than thoughtfully selecting a partner who we get along with or have similarities with, we silence our brains and let our eyes make the decision for us. We don’t hook up with someone because we feel an emotional connection with them, rather we do it for seemingly all of the wrong reasons. We don’t hook up with thoughts of our future love lives; we do so to fill some sudden and urgent desire or emotional void. However, after the fact, that emptiness or desire is most likely still there and unsatisfied. Thus, as our decision to hook up with someone is usually made hastily and without consideration of many important factors, we leave ourselves feeling empty, disconnected, and unloved.
Leaving us with these feelings of emptiness, hook ups put our sense of self-love highly at risk. We rush into these temporary and unattached relationships seeking validation and security. If our self-esteem is at a low point, than a hook up can might be quite appealing in the moment. We feel as though we are wanted and desired by others, even when we might not feel very good about ourselves. Therefore, hooking up with someone may temporarily boost our feeling of self-love and regard. However, the lack of commitment and emotional engagement that is likely to follow an initial hook up can have quite opposite effects on us in the long run. If the hook up dissolves and does not lead to anything further, we are left wondering what went wrong. Why did he or she not want to pursue an actual relationship? What is it about me that is not good enough? Questions like these are likely to pop into our heads when a hook up is discontinued, leaving us questioning and causing our dignity to drop even lower than where it started.
Thus, hook ups take us on a roller coaster of emotions and feelings and that loops around and around on one vicious cycle. As we find ourselves feeling down or hurt when a hook up does not transpire into anything more, we will probably crave the feeling of acceptance once again. We will continue to engage in more and more hook ups with the desire to be wanted, leaving us more and more torn up each time they fail. As we fall in and out of these hook ups without developing a committed and trusting relationship, we feel worse about ourselves. As we keep striving for something more meaningful in this way, we are only subjecting ourselves to others who may not even care about our feelings in the slightest. We leave ourselves vulnerable and at the mercy of other individuals, and our chances of being hurt are high. Therefore, by failing to establish some sort of commitment or exclusivity, we feel degraded and disconnected with both ourselves and those around us.
In comparison, we are far better off attempting to build the foundation of a real relationship instead. While dating does not necessarily guarantee true love, it does establish a far better base on which to build a legitimate and lasting connection. Unlike that of a hook up, the decision to pursue a relationship with someone usually takes both emotional and physical factors into account. We are more inclined to connect with someone that we share interests and personality traits with. Thus, we are able to communicate and interact more naturally, resulting in a connection that is not merely physical, but emotional as well. While going on a date might seem scary or awkward in this day and age, it might be worth giving a shot.
If we take our best interest into consideration, engaging in the hook up culture is definitely not our best option. Our college years make up the prime time in which to find ourselves and develop a strong sense of character. If we subject ourselves to inconstancy and ingenuity, then we are only making this process more difficult. On the contrary, if we surround ourselves with stability, our formation of self-love and dignity is less likely to crumble. While this task may seem daunting, there is still hope. It can be as simple as slowing things down and working backwards. If a hook up goes well, we simply can reevaluate in the morning, make a call, and have a real shot at a relationship.